You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
