You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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