I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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