im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize