you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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