I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
