we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
