he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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