It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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