I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
