Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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