Whats the glycemic index on semen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
