he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
