question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
