she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
