im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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