i already hear my dad disowning me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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