Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
