i think my tv is drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
