YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
