If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
