He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
