Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
