i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
