If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
