But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
