I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
