sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
