he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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