dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've blown a few things in my day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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