i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
