just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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