do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
