Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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