This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
