Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
