i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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