matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
