I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
