I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
