Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
