I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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