Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
