She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
