well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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