I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
