Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
