So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
