So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize