Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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