The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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