well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
