I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
