I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
