so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
