I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We are all done wearing pants today
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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