Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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