How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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