Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Everclear isn't food dammit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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