it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
