From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
