i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
