I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
