omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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