I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
