nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
