He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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