he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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