I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
