I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
