Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
