You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
