So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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