Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
