Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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