I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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