redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
