are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
