so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Of course I have a pirate flag
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
